I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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