And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
