I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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