Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
