im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
