Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
