Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
