I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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