when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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