can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
