i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
