I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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