I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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