At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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