..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want to fling myself into the sun
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