3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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