Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i think my cat just said my name.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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