apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
