I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
