My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
