Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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