No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
