I cannot find my penis.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I need moral support for this bender
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
