He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
