We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
