is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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