rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
accomplished twins. life is a go
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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