apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
