Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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