He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
