tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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