Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
