Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
