you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
