then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
