im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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