Me too!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
