do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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