well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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