I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They took my balls.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
