Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
