I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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