well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
