Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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