I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
