their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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