I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
