Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Mom said you looked used
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
