I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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