it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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