what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
