My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We need to get me chipped asap
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
