I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
